Life is built one day after another. Yesterday felt like a complete win. Monday morning, crushing my new routine, got to work and told my wife: “Nice way to start our Mondays now, huh?!”
Then this morning while walking the dog around 8:30, my wife sent me a message that stopped me cold.
“When you get home, ask our son to read this book for you… I was crying.”
I called her immediately to understand what happened.
The book? “I Love My Daddy.”
Here’s the gut punch – my son was reading it to her, and on every single page where the daddy and kid were together, he kept saying the daddy was mad at the kid. He’s almost 3 years old.
Truth is, I might have been too rough. I yell sometimes. I like being in control. I don’t let him throw things at people or hit anyone, and my wife keeps telling me I’m being “too much” – that I should be more patient, yell less, all that stuff…
Part of me wants to rationalize this away. The book isn’t well-drawn, and my son is just learning feelings and expressions. In another book, he told me a kid was “sad” when the kid was clearly playing around. Same thing here – the lion daddy and baby were playing or sleeping, but he kept saying daddy was mad with the kid.
But that rationalization feels like bullshit, doesn’t it?
The moment hit me
I could literally feel my energy draining when my wife told me. Got sad, didn’t want to hit the gym after walking the dog, wanted to bail on my new lifestyle routine and just doom scroll or do something else to avoid dealing with this…
When I decided to skip the gym, something clicked. I remembered exactly how good I feel AFTER working out.
So I told myself: “We’re going to the gym. And if I’m still feeling like garbage afterward, I’ll take the day off work to figure out how to tackle this issue once and for all.”
Best decision I made today.
Came back feeling incredible. Brewed my coffee, and my son was home sick with the book sitting right there on the countertop. Started work, had my daily standup, then decided to actually reflect on how I can stop being this intense, angry dad when my son does something wrong.
Looking back, that’s exactly how I was raised.
My mom yelled at me constantly. I was grounded for everything under the sun, and maybe I’m passing some of that toxic stuff forward to my son. I definitely need to address this.
Quick side note – now that I’m writing this out, I’m remembering research about people who write for an hour a day reflecting on life having the same impact as actual therapy. Makes sense. In my last post I was reflecting while writing, and here I’m finding things I can improve, connecting past experiences to current behavior patterns.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what happens to you – it’s all about how you react to it.
So here’s my action plan:
I’m starting with an Audible I’ve heard great things about called “No Drama Discipline.” Looking to learn some techniques for communicating with my son without yelling or losing my temper, and finding ways to loosen up my need for control.
Today, instead of spiraling into old habits, I’m choosing to face this head-on and become the dad my son deserves.
Sometimes the hardest lessons come from the smallest teachers.